Mother's Guilt, Anger, Resentment, Oh My!

As my due date with baby #2 creeps closer and closer (just about 3 months away!) I'm struggling with emotions I didn't think I'd be experiencing at this stage in the game. Mother's guilt has always been an issue for me, well...for as long as I've been a Mother, but I'm feeling it even stronger in my current day-to-day life.

In addition to guilt, feelings of anger and resentment have been surfacing as well. I know how wonderful having a sibling can be and I do think it's a great gift you can give to a child; however, I'm sad that my daughter's attention will soon be divided.  The time that she has to be an only child is starting to dwindle and I'm feeling more and more pressure to spend quality, 1-on-1, time with her (and I want to!).

I'm angry with my profession for robbing me of this precious time with her. I'm angry with myself for getting these degrees, racking up student debt, and accepting these positions that tear me away from her 5 (sometimes more) days a week, but force me to stay because I don't make enough to work part-time. Not to mention added stress and frustration that I have to be mindful about not bringing home with me.

I resent other Mothers who are able to stay home and focus on being a Mother or who work from home and have the shear luxury of being present for every milestone. Or those Mothers who are able to work part-time and soak up equal parts adult stimulus and child shenanigans. 

Read this post on my feelings when first discovering I was pregnant with baby #2 and see how things have changed once reality started to set in. Hormones, perhaps? Yeah, we'll go with hormones...

On the plus side, Savannah gets to spend quality time with her Grandparents and Cousin during the week. She also gets to make new friends, create fun art projects, and learn A LOT at a home day care that she loves. Selfishly, I want more time with her but I know she is thriving in her life the way it is. 

Thank you all for lending a listening ear (eye?). I don't mean to sound like a nag or a debbie-downer. Maybe someone out there can relate. Any advice on how to settle these emotions?

​Meg

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